Observations at the DDS today:
1) Purgatory is something like waiting in line at the DDS with toddlers running between you and the stanchions, and the smell of second-hand cigarette stench seeping into your hair.
2) The pudgy little Latino girl dancing provocatively with her reflection in the vending machine will most likely become famous one day. Like, Snookie famous. That is, if she doesn't die from some sort of incurable disease she contracted from sticking the gum from her mouth to the vending machine window and seeing how far she could stretch it.
3) I assume the DDS is conveniently located right next door to the Department of Health Services so they can save money. You see, instead of handing out the pill to potential unfit mothers, they can send them next door to witness the horrors of parenthood and toddler tantrums. Best birth control ever.
4) Apparently the sounds of gum smacking and screeching children for three full hours is not enough to make your brain burst. However, if someone wanted to get secret government info out of me, those sounds would work much more efficiently than waterboarding.
5) The DDS smells like a bad hangover.
6) Theology I picked up from one side of a phone conversation: "Well, I think that would be fine, but I'd rather try not to have alcohol in the church. Wine is one thing, but a mixed punch is another..."
7) The higher amount of visible tattoos a person has appears to be in direct correlation to a lower ability to speak the Queen's English.
5) Waiting in line at the DDS to replace my lost license is Jesus' roundabout way of punishing me for being a hot tragic mess and losing my license somewhere between a drag show in Midtown and white girl dancing in Buckhead. Point taken, God. Won't happen again.
10) OMG YOU DIDN'T EVEN COUNT. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT LOOK LIKE A MURDERER IN MY LICENSE PHOTO IF YOU DON'T EVEN COUNT
